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Robert
Admin


United Kingdom
829 Posts

Posted - 10/05/2007 :  00:04:21  Show Profile Send Robert a Private Message
Due to come vacant position..at HMRC.. Paymaster General..

Ability to tell some porkies...useful

Good customer skill essential..as we get lots and lots of complaints..343,000 alone last year..and 363,000 the year before.

Ability to blame any one else, but yourself...useful.

Good salary...apply

Mr G Brown.. 11 downing street london...



The truth is out there.. GO get it..

Google AdSense

USA
Mountain View


sammy
Rank; Really should become a politician



690 Posts

Posted - 10/05/2007 :  00:30:14  Show Profile Send sammy a Private Message
Dear Sir, I wish to apply for your 'old job' I have a variety of experience of dealings with serfs.

Yours sincerely,
RAPID LOAN WORM
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Sarah
Rank; Captain Gordon



247 Posts

Posted - 11/05/2007 :  12:44:37  Show Profile Send Sarah a Private Message
Person spec doesn't include anything on thick skin required; lack of compassion essential; selective deafness desirable!
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 11/05/2007 :  17:28:13  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
Ability to flee from public engagements before the press or tax credit casualties get to you - desireable. Ability to bury your head in the sand the moment rumblings of disquiet are heard, and pretend all is well - essential.
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sammy
Rank; Really should become a politician



690 Posts

Posted - 11/05/2007 :  17:43:55  Show Profile Send sammy a Private Message
RAPID LOAN WORM

I'm sure there are better anagrams to be had!
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 12/05/2007 :  11:33:13  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
I dunno, it wasn't bad. 'Rapid loan' sums it up pretty well - we were never told tax credits were loans, and they certainly sprang it on us rather suddenly. Worm though - I don't know. She might be a 'Dim Prawn', but she's not a worm - unless in the wriggling out of things way. 'Worm' sounds a bit powerless - a bit like she probably sees us, and she comes across more as an ostrich trying to tweeze the poor, squirming little worms out of the ground than anything else. Still, I appreciate you can't get 'ostrich' out of those letters, nor 'lying toerag' either. I did try.
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 17/05/2007 :  21:47:42  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
Had to laugh at this HMRC job description:

Summary Information
Department Closing Date
HM Revenue & Customs 02/04/2007

Salary Salary Details
£58,500 - 116,000
The starting salary will be within Pay Band 1 of the Senior Civil Service pay range

Location Nationality Eligibility
Central, London
UK National

Appointment Terms Working Arrangement

Permanent or loan Full Time





Vacancy Description
THE ROLE

HMRC came into being on 18 April 2005, following the Chancellor’s announcement in March 2004 that the respective functions of HM Customs and Excise and the Inland Revenue would be brought together and the Treasury’s tax policy functions would be strengthened. HMRC has a wide impact, as it deals with every business and most people in the UK. It handles nearly £400 billion in central government revenues, is responsible for paying out tax credits and plays a vital role in law enforcement and frontier protection. It has over 40 million individual and corporate customers. Every part of the public sector relies on the revenue department to ensure that vital funds are available.

The creation of this single department has provided an exciting opportunity to transform customer service and improve compliance with the tax system, as well as to enhance the efficiency of tax administration. The needs of its diverse range of customers are a key focus of the reform agenda.

HMRC’s strategy and ambition is customer-focussed and Individuals Customer Unit leads in the delivery of this focus.

Customer focus

Putting our customers at the heart of everything we do; understanding them and responding to their behaviours and expectations.

Trust

Believing our customers are honest unless we have good reason to doubt it. Being trustworthy and trusting each other.

Support Helping our customers to meet their obligations and receive their entitlements. Working together and taking pride in delivering great performance.

Protect

Being vigilant and acting decisively in protecting society. Behaving professionally and with integrity.

The successful candidate will be expected to be an exemplar of these values across the Department.

Focussing on meeting the needs of customers is central to the Department’s reform agenda. Individuals Customer Unit’s role in this is to:

• Support colleagues in translating the customer focus strategy into operational objectives, providing tools and approaches to help

•Drive delivery of customer objectives by delivering actionable customer understanding and insight

•Change the way we do business through targets and measures, and changes to departmental management processes

• Set the strategy and specify delivery requirements for guidance, contact and channels

• Work alongside business units to deliver customer focused change, including setting strategies for customer segments, and providing tools for measuring success.

We will direct, influence, support, advise and challenge colleagues, whether they are involved in design, development or delivery of products and services, so that they put customers at the heart of everything they do in order to improve compliance, reduce costs and improve the customer experience.

The Customer Units have a critical leadership role and are a development ground for future leaders of HMRC.

EIS has been identified as a high priority area for HMRC in helping customers understand what they need to do and being able to get it right first time. Given the increasing understanding of the benefits to both the customer and HMRC of improving EIS, a specific team within the Individual Customer Unit has been set up to deal with EIS issues.

It is a new post located within the Individuals Customer Unit but with a dotted reporting line to the Director of Benefits and Credits and the Communications and Marketing team.

The role will span both strategy and co-ordination of delivery, and the emphasis is very much on cross functional working. Delivering the new business approach will require working with people from IT, policy areas, call centres, a specialist forms unit and a host of other disciplines.



You must be logged in to see this link.
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 17/05/2007 :  21:50:02  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
The bits I particularly enjoyed included:


Putting our customers at the heart of everything we do; understanding them and responding to their behaviours and expectations.

Trust

Believing our customers are honest unless we have good reason to doubt it. Being trustworthy and trusting each other.

Support

Working together and taking pride in delivering great performance.

Protect

Being vigilant and acting decisively in protecting society. Behaving professionally and with integrity.


That'd be the day.
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 17/05/2007 :  21:54:06  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
'we are a friendly bunch of people'

You must be logged in to see this link.

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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 17/05/2007 :  21:57:51  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
Weeelllll that'll be the day
That pigs may fly...

(with apologies to the Late Great Buddy Holly)
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  07:36:28  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
'Putting our customers at the heart of everything we do; understanding them and responding to their behaviours and expectations....Believing our customers are honest unless we have good reason to doubt it. Being trustworthy and trusting each other...Working together and taking pride in delivering great performance...Being vigilant and acting decisively in protecting society. Behaving professionally and with integrity.
THANK YOU FOR GIVING A TAX CREDIT (OVERPAYMENT RECOVERY) CASUALTY A LAUGH!!'

Sent to:

You must be logged in to see this link.

re the above job description.

You couldn't make it up.

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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  09:51:22  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
I honestly thought that you had made it up Ali.

When I realised that the ad. is genuine .. well, I have to say that my flabber has never been so ghasted in its life!

(wondering if there's a Trades Description issue here)
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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  11:18:14  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
Taken from the book of You must be logged in to see this link.

<<Social events are a regular feature - for example pub outings for all and, in London, pool, rounders, cricket and football games for the sports-minded. In Manchester and Liverpool there are some keen runners, we have country walks, barbecues, restaurant, cinema and theatre trips.>>

They have some keen runners in Manchester and Liverpool do they?

They had one in Portsmouth too - Dawn Primarolo running away from Ali & Co!
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Sarah
Rank; Captain Gordon



247 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  12:52:47  Show Profile Send Sarah a Private Message
Believing our customers are honest unless we have good reason to doubt it. Being trustworthy and trusting each other. ????

Yes, unless it suits them to class us with fraud and treat us as dishonest!


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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  13:25:50  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
I've followed your fine example Ali and posted the following to You must be logged in to see this link.

"As a victim of the sheer incompetence and arrogance that is the Tax Credits office, I was flabbergasted to read in your advertisement;

'Putting our customers at the heart of everything we do; understanding them and responding to their behaviours and expectations....Believing our customers are honest unless we have good reason to doubt it. Being trustworthy and
"trusting each other...Working together and taking pride in delivering great performance...Being vigilant and acting decisively in protecting society. Behaving professionally and with integrity."

When, exactly, are you going to implement this novel policy?"

Did you notice the comment; "We welcome feedback" on their webpage?

OK Lads & Lasses .. let's give them some feedback! Click on the above link and make your comments in the box that they have provided...
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Sarah
Rank; Captain Gordon



247 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  16:49:00  Show Profile Send Sarah a Private Message
Done the feedback but diatribe might be a more appropriate word!
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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 18/05/2007 :  17:29:06  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
Well whatever it's called it'll give them something to read and think about!

(isn't a diatribe the American word for something that babies wear around their bottoms??)
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 20/05/2007 :  10:01:43  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
It's funny how, in thinking of HMRC, you can't help but think of excrement, Alan!

That's why their job specs are so hilarious. The rhetoric and the reality just don't match.
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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 20/05/2007 :  20:36:11  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
Excrement .. THAT'S the name for the stuff they landed us all in!
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Ali M-W
Mod



3558 Posts

Posted - 21/05/2007 :  08:04:04  Show Profile Send Ali M-W a Private Message
Slight understatement there, Alan. That kind of thing washes off. It doesn't get to ruin your life, wreck people's relationships, make them physically and psychologically ill through worry, and petrify the very same substance out of them.

And they wonder why Tax Credits are so under-claimed! Why not stop trying to force petrified people into accepting this boomerang 'benefit', and use the underclaim to write off the overpayments which were never our fault anyway? And then the money saved in threatening and forcing people to pay back money which would be better spent feeding, clothing and looking after their children can be diverted into putting the system right. Then - bingo! - people might actually want to claim it and it might actually then start to be an effective anti-poverty tool rather than a bogus, time-limited one...

Too simple for this government to comprehend, it seems. I'm just glad that the governments-in-waiting have a better grasp of this issue. Maybe Brown will grasp the opportunity to show himself more proactive than BLiar, but only, I suspect, if he can pass this off as his own idea.
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Alan the Geordie
Admin



3032 Posts

Posted - 21/05/2007 :  08:17:56  Show Profile Send Alan the Geordie a Private Message
I'm beginning to think that if Brown had just one more brain cell it would lead an extremely lonely existence.
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